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statement_ends) wrote2022-12-12 03:44 pm
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A Perfect Waste of Time
There is nothing to suggest that the number of Statements he might extract from the space beneath the Observatory is limited. From what they've gathered, there's far more to work with down there than a single box from the Institute could hold. He should be able to draw from that proverbial well for quite some time. But presuming that his problems have been decisively solved seems foolish, and he's still playing it safe. He visits only as often as he must (for that specific need, anyway; he still stops by for social calls lest Norah start feeling a bit used), and often draws multiple Statements per visit so he'll have tapes in reserve in case something should happen. He tells himself the reserves are for something like rubbish weather, as opposed to the far more upsetting possibility that he might head to the Observatory one day and find it gone.
Granted, it's not just vaguely superstitious caution that has him trying to limit his sojourns. He's started picking up on... something from Martin over the past few weeks. Something he can't quite pin down. It can't be anything as absurd as disapproval, and if it's concern, he can't imagine why. But he has been getting an odd, persistent impression that Martin isn't thrilled with his trips to 'the Ghost Hole,' necessary as they unquestionably are.
Said necessity is why he hasn't got up the nerve to poke the bear, yet. The prospect of them having some sort of spat over something they both know is indispensable is a little too ridiculous for him to go manifesting into reality. If Martin had a sincere concern, surely he'd air it without needing John to prompt him.
Maybe he's just imagining it. Or perhaps Martin is just... having an off day. Several off days. That just happen to coincide with his trips to the Observatory. Sure.
The weather today wasn't rubbish enough to justify staying home, but despite taking a cab for most of the journey, John still returns home with a wet coat and hair that's started to curl a bit from the rain. "Hullo," he says, both to Martin and to The Bishop, who trotted to the entryway to greet him before pulling up short and eyeing his dampened trouser legs with feline trepidation. He leaves his shoes on the mat, sets his bag on the floor, and shucks off his coat, giving Martin a slightly more assessing glance than he normally might. "I don't suppose the kettle's on?" he ventures, trying to gauge whether Martin's vaguely sour mood from this morning has improved in his absence.
Granted, it's not just vaguely superstitious caution that has him trying to limit his sojourns. He's started picking up on... something from Martin over the past few weeks. Something he can't quite pin down. It can't be anything as absurd as disapproval, and if it's concern, he can't imagine why. But he has been getting an odd, persistent impression that Martin isn't thrilled with his trips to 'the Ghost Hole,' necessary as they unquestionably are.
Said necessity is why he hasn't got up the nerve to poke the bear, yet. The prospect of them having some sort of spat over something they both know is indispensable is a little too ridiculous for him to go manifesting into reality. If Martin had a sincere concern, surely he'd air it without needing John to prompt him.
Maybe he's just imagining it. Or perhaps Martin is just... having an off day. Several off days. That just happen to coincide with his trips to the Observatory. Sure.
The weather today wasn't rubbish enough to justify staying home, but despite taking a cab for most of the journey, John still returns home with a wet coat and hair that's started to curl a bit from the rain. "Hullo," he says, both to Martin and to The Bishop, who trotted to the entryway to greet him before pulling up short and eyeing his dampened trouser legs with feline trepidation. He leaves his shoes on the mat, sets his bag on the floor, and shucks off his coat, giving Martin a slightly more assessing glance than he normally might. "I don't suppose the kettle's on?" he ventures, trying to gauge whether Martin's vaguely sour mood from this morning has improved in his absence.
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And then John speaks, coming close so Martin can feel his breath ghosting across his lips, and the immediate thrill he feels at the offer almost shocks him. This is all he wanted, he realizes, his arms immediately resettling themselves around John with barely even enough time for John's generous but unnecessary addendum. One hand he sets at the familiar valley between John's shoulder blades, and the other he curls tenderly into John's hair at the back of his head. Christ, he just wanted to be allowed to touch him, but if he'd actually let himself think that — it wouldn't have seemed fair. A hand on the back of John's head might have seemed too much like guiding, or even worse, keeping him in place. It might've come as a shock, might've disrupted the whole thing. That avenue had seemed so inherently blocked off that he hadn't even let himself want it clearly enough that he knew to ask. But now...
"Yes," he whispers, gently pulling John down for another kiss. "Yes."
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"I love you," John murmurs, his nose brushing against Martin's in a fond little nuzzle, before dipping his head to favor him with another slow kiss. Then, one corner of his mouth curling up in smug little smirk, he asks, "Shall I... get back to it, then?" His left hand isn't well-placed for any incidental mischief, but his right hasn't really moved from its original position, and it only takes a little searching with his thumb before he finds Martin's nipple and gives it a pointed little nudge.
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"Please," he whispers, and he starts to lift his hands away on automated instinct, but then hesitates. "D-do you want me to stop?"
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The good seem fairly self-explanatory: he loves it when Martin plays with his hair, and he thinks Martin might have a more pleasant time of it if he has something to do besides 'try to hold still.' The bad would likely be no worse than Martin accidentally pinching him during a moment of heightened distraction, which wouldn't be the end of the world — and even that risk seems negligible. Odds are Martin will take extra care with him, given how new this is. Hell, if he manages to make Martin forget himself so thoroughly that he causes any discomfort by mistake, he could probably take that as a sign of a job very well done.
So John smiles faintly, and says, "No, thank you," before leaning in to give Martin a brief peck. "I trust you'll behave yourself." One of them ought to, after all, and it certainly won't be him. He presses a parting kiss to Martin's chin, then moves to reposition himself. This time, in the interest of equity, he intends to give Martin's left side more of his attention, so he lets his right hand take up the mantle of holding Martin's undershirt up out of the way, and his left hand shifts to cup Martin's right side.
Best to start slow, he thinks, while Martin adjusts to his new privileges. So he doesn't quite make contact, his left hand giving his chest a gentle squeeze as he sucks a faint mark over Martin's heart.
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His answering grin is brief, quickly tempered to something more demure at John's light warning; and then John resumes the path down his chest and Martin tips his head back, breath held in anticipation, hands remaining steady and gentle at John's back and the back of his head.
That breath comes out in a short gust and a soft squeak when John switches sides — sides, but not his approach, Martin is rather delighted to notice, as John gives him another little squeeze. Even now he's surprised by how much he likes such a brazenly cheeky maneuver, and he thinks it's not just for the novelty of it. It's nice to be felt up, both physically and because of what it represents, that John is really enjoying him. He answers with a subtle flex of his fingers, a light scrub through John's hair as if mirroring the motion. He's halfway considering some wry remark or other on this new fixation, but any hope of being coherent disappears when John resumes sucking on his chest.
It's not as intense as before, but it's also not a familiar spot; close to his nipple but not quite there, sensitive territory but more in suggestion than on its own. Over his heart, Martin realizes at a remove.
His fingers twitch, but he keeps his grip gentle above all. His lips part to allow a soft, keening moan between shallow breaths. Desperate, but not impatient; he cannot dream of impatience while being allowed to hold John like this.
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Still, he doesn't want to let himself luxuriate in it too much. He has other things he means to try. They haven't done this often enough for him to have a particularly thorough map of the possibilities, and he is always eager to chart new territory. He takes Martin's right nipple between the pad of his thumb and the side of his forefinger, giving it more of an assessing roll than an outright squeeze. Then he closes his lips around his left side, drawing Martin's nipple into his mouth and tracing his tongue around the firm peak in an experimental whorl.
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So it's a bit ridiculous to be shocked when John uses his tongue, especially considering it isn't even the first time this session. But that earlier move had been playful, mischievous, and almost incidental, like he was just poking at Martin to get a reaction rather than actually testing any waters. As if John's ever been known to try anything only once.
This time, though, it is markedly different. Thorough and attentive, a completed thought compared to that earlier notion. John so rarely employs his tongue beyond talking that Martin would never have thought to consider this specifically. He would, if it had ever occurred to him, have assumed it might be too much.
But apparently not. And it's fucking great, is the thing. John is as dexterous here as with his fingers, and in concert with that gentle, persistent suction, it's sublime. Martin's back arches sharply as he nearly chokes on a sudden inhalation, cutting himself off mid-cry and gasping instead. His fingers twitch, his hold on John tightening just a little, a gentle pressure that might almost seem subtle if not for his trembling.
"Oh, fuck," he blurts when he has his voice again. He relaxes his hands again, letting his touch simply be warm and steady. "Oh god, yes."
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He could almost kick himself for taking this long to use his tongue for something besides smart remarks. Granted, the hesitation had made sense. Most of what he does with his mouth falls under the general umbrella of 'kissing,' and they had quickly discovered they were on the same page when it came to not enjoying kisses that were too... well, wet. It had felt natural, then, to keep his tongue out of the way as a matter of course. Changing that had been partly (perhaps even mostly) incidental; he can't very well pull Martin into his mouth without his tongue coming into play to some extent. It had just taken him a bit to appreciate how silly it was to prudently ignore it, or pretend it wasn't a tool he could use if he worked up the requisite gumption.
Presuming Martin enjoyed it, of course. Perhaps the prospect of it being too much, somehow — or simply not to Martin's tastes — is one of the reasons he hadn't gone for it sooner. There was a mortifying plausibility to 'presuming to lick Martin and being asked in no uncertain terms to stop,' and while he's recovered from missteps in the bedroom before, he thinks that one, had it occurred, would actually have killed him.
But his first (and most incidental) attempt had been a rousing success, and the second even more so. It seems audacity is becoming something of a theme, and John loves nothing so much as being a bit of a shit. Especially if it has the added benefit of driving Martin mad. To that end, John seals his lips back over Martin's chest, this time dragging the flat of his tongue over his nipple in a slow, pointed lap. He gives that move a beat to stand on its own, then follows it by giving Martin's other side a proper pinch and a good, firm tug.
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"Christ," he says breathlessly, his whole body twitching once again with the effort of holding still, now feeling a bit like holding onto John is all that's keeping him together. He isn't sure how much more of this he'll be able to take; he just hopes he can last a little while longer. His next plea is scarcely more than a whisper: "Please don't stop."
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"I—" he starts to loosen his grip, awkwardly, like he's remembering how his limbs work. He's flushed, impossibly happy, but not enough to drown out a little note of concern at the unprecedented contact. "Are you—"
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John's small, startled grunt is mostly lost beneath the noise Martin's making, and he blinks owlishly, too stunned to squirm or otherwise resist. He doesn't know that Martin's ever clung to him this tightly before, barring emergencies, and the strength of it surprises him (if only because he's so used to considering Martin's strength, in this context, as something that could be used to push him away, not pull him closer). But there are certainly worse places to be so enfolded, and once the initial shock subsides, John starts to shake with silent laughter. When Martin eventually loosens his grip, John pulls in a breath and releases it in an audible giggle, using his regained mobility to turn in towards Martin's chest in a fond, bashful nuzzle.
"—Okay?" he says, as much finishing the question as answering it. He presses a brief kiss to Martin's sternum, then lifts his head, wriggling a bit so he can prop his chin on the back of his own wrist, gazing at Martin from atop the rumpled ridge of his undershirt. "I should say so. You?"
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"I'm fucking brilliant," he answers, the smile turning to more of an outright beam. "Christ. That was..." Words elude him, and he just shakes his head, reaching up to run his fingers softly through John's hair. "Absolute maniac," he says fondly. "I love you."
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"I love you," he replies in a low murmur, as if it's a wholly separate thought. He'd let go Martin's chest in his earlier shock, and now he resettles his hand closer to Martin's sternum, his fingers gently circling the exposed skin just beneath his undershirt. One eyebrow quirks, and he adds a playfully pointed, "Lest ye forget."
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A point made so thoroughly he still finds it a little bewildering. He'd almost managed to forget his earlier confusion, might almost have overlooked it in the interest of simply counting himself lucky (luckiest man in the world) and hurrying to put it behind him. It might've just been a case where John wasn't interested in playing by the expected social rules in terms of his response to Martin being an arse. John doesn't typically put much stock in social rules, anyway. What point would there be in rowing over it when this was so much more enjoyable, so much more a definitive counterpoint?
But there's still something that leaves Martin feeling... curious. Not that John's reaction wasn't negative, not even that he chose to respond like this, but something about the response itself, the fervor of it, his... for lack of a better word, insatiability. Martin studies John for just a moment, but now's not quite the time to ask, his head still full of fluff and static and other matters slightly more pressing.
He lifts his hand, taking in John's awkward position with a sympathetic wince. "Here, this cannot be comfortable. Let me get cleaned up and we can relocate, yeah?" He lets his smile soften. "I'm going to give you such a backrub."
Once John's moved out of the way, he rolls off the couch, heaving himself up and picking his way over to the loo.
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"Ooh," John says with an intrigued lilt, getting to his feet and stepping aside so Martin can toddle past him. "I'll just go and prepare myself, shall I?"
He heads for the kitchen, first, getting himself a glass of water, downing half of it, and refilling the glass to bring along for the ride — Martin might be a bit thirsty when he emerges, as well. The water is set carefully on the bedside table, and then John shucks off his top, mentally congratulating himself on having already dressed down before things got underway. It means there's nothing else to stand between him and pitching down onto the bed, which he does with a quiet oof and a gusty sigh. He could probably grab his pillow, but for the moment he just lets himself sprawl, eyes drifting closed as he listens for Martin's arrival.
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"All right, then," he says, letting his hands come to rest on John's back, giving him ample time to acclimate to the touch before he starts to press down. "There we are."
He gives John a healthy minute or two to really settle in and enjoy the process before he lets up a bit, doing a bit of lighter, gentler work as he says, "So what was all that about?"
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For a minute or so, Martin works in silence — or near enough, minus the appreciative groans he's coaxing out of John. Christ, this is exactly what he needed, not just after their interlude on the couch, but after hunching over the hole in the Observatory basement for an hour or so. And Martin is so very good at it. John melts into the bedspread, all but purring as Martin kneads away the aches of the day.
And then Martin eases back on his efforts, and asks a question John isn't entirely sure how to parse. He makes a soft sound that's part bewildered grunt and part muzzy protest over being expected to think under these conditions, and cracks his eyes open. "What was what about?" he asks, uncertain and vaguely wary for reasons he can't quite pin down.
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"I was just wondering," Martin says, grunting softly as he presses the heels of his hands into the wiry meat of John's shoulders, "what it was, exactly, about me behaving like an idiot that made you want to... all that." He lets up again, not wanting to make the answering more difficult than it needs to be. "Not that I don't appreciate the reassurance, but it was... a bit more than that." He can't resist a bit of mischief sneaking into his voice and his grin when he adds lightly, "What, does me being a prat do it for you? Suppose I could play the part more often if you like."
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But perhaps he shouldn't have assumed, given the frankly appalling suggestion that follows. "Wh— I-I-I—" John sputters, stiffening beneath Martin's hands as his cheeks darken with a mortified flush. "No! You—" he bites back the insistence that Martin wasn't being a prat, because he was, but also because it's so beside the point that he can't believe that's what Martin's taken away from it all and turned into a bloody subject of discussion. He drags up one arm so he can bury his face in the crook of his elbow. "Th-that wasn't— don't be absurd."
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"All right, all right," he says, he hopes soothingly; but he can't quite make himself pull off this line of questioning entirely. If he were wildly off base, he thinks there wouldn't be anything for John to be mortified about, and that only sharpens his curiosity. He hums thoughtfully, stroking his hand up and down John's back.
"You just seemed so..." He fumbles his words a bit, trying not to say 'insatiable' aloud; "eager? Not to mention delighted to find out I was jealous of— wait." He blinks, realizing: that was it. Not his being in a mood and certainly not all the unkind jabs at Norah. He'd been joking, but maybe he was closer than he thought: it was when John guessed at his jealous feelings that his mood spun around completely. Martin stares down at him, his hand going still in fresh shock.
"Wait," he says again. "Not a prat, but a jealous prat. Is that it? Y-you liked it that I was jealous." He says it more astonished than accusatory, but the implication is still there.
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So it's almost a mercy when Martin actually manages to get there on his own. Almost. John's blush deepens, more in response to Martin's audible shock than the belated bulls-eye, and he reaches up to grab his pillow, dragging it down to cover his head.
"... Maybe," he admits at length, muffled beneath the down.
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John pulls in a breath, then puffs it out in a slow, defeated sigh. "No one's ever..." he coughs out a laugh, his faintly wistful tone hardening into something a little more sardonic. "It-it can't surprise you that no one's ever been jealous about me before." After a brief beat of consideration, he adds, "Entities aside, anyway."
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For a moment, he's not sure what to say. A few options rise up only to be dismissed at once: surely that's not true doing no one any good, and any anecdote about how long he managed to feel jealous of Georgie — to say nothing of everyone John's ever got on well with — unthinkable for a variety of reasons. It doesn't change that this is, to John, something only Martin has, would ever experience.
But he's more than certain pity isn't the right response. He doesn't think anyone's ever been jealous over him, either, John included, but it isn't a feeling he thinks he misses, and the idea of anyone feeling sorry for him over it is kind of horrible. He imagines John wouldn't have felt that way either until suddenly presented with it. Perhaps, then, it has less to do with John's own relative likability and more to do with his, Martin's, own capacity to feel this way.
"Well," he says firmly after a moment, leaning down to plant a soft, lingering kiss at the base of John's neck. Despite his confident tone, he still doesn't quite know what he's about to say, and it surprises him slightly when it ends up being: "Perhaps that's because I defeated them all in single combat."
Absurd is better than maudlin, he thinks, and he decides to lean into it, sitting back up and resuming the care of John's back and shoulders. "So those entities had better watch out," he adds, "and Norah had better not get any ideas, either."
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