statement_ends | (Reply)

There is a part of John that still doesn't understand how they got here, how either of them allowed this to happen. He had mulled over the question of what he might offer Martin, what would be fair and decent, what wouldn't just frighten him with its staggering unfamiliarity. He hadn't even begun to consider what he might accept. He hadn't given a moment's thought to what Martin might want to offer him, because the sensible and obvious answer to that was 'nothing.' Nothing owed, certainly. But he should have known better. As if Martin would ever let himself be guided by an objective assessment of what John had earned from him.

He should probably extricate himself. He hadn't known that this particular temptation would even arise, but that doesn't mean he has any business giving into it, indulging himself in the familiar comfort of a hug just because Martin felt compelled to open his arms. But then Martin laughs, sounding a little uncertain but undeniably pleased, and offers a cheeky enough response that John can't help a tired chuckle of his own. Maybe they can stay like this for just a little longer. Any lingering uncertainty is brushed away by the soothing passage of Martin's hand over his back, and John melts a little in spite of himself, tension steadily draining away. He hums softly in response to Martin's sheepish admission: it's not news to him, but he still feels a little roil of indignation over it. "Don't even get me started on your previous partners," he mumbles, his grip shifting into something a little less desperate, but still pointedly snug. "I have notes."

John falls silent for a few moments, pulling in a slow breath and letting it out in a sigh. He feels steadier, now, but he also feels like more acknowledgment is required, and he isn't sure he'll be able to maintain his composure if he has to look Martin in the eye. His fingers curl gently against Martin's back, as near to a nervous fidget as his positioning allows, before he finally manages a soft, almost bewildered, "You're so good to me. You've always been so good."